Because we are people of comparison and competition, we all seem to have "that" person or "those" people in our lives. They are the ones who get under our skin. The ones we avoid or ignore. They are the women who frustrate us, and unfortunately, they are often the topic of our venting sessions to other women.
I could put names to these women, but that would not be kind or loving or beneficial at all. Some personalities, like mine, struggle to get along with everyone. I can be opinionated, critical, prideful, and strong-willed. So, unfortunately, I clash with others sometimes. Irritation flares up in me, and I'm immediately assuming unfair things about another woman. Call it survival mode or the battle for alpha female, but I'll name it Pride.
I want to be seen, heard, and understood. When those desires are threatened, I turn my criticism to the other person. I see their selfishness or their stubbornness, and I get completely frazzled. How can they do this? Do they not see themselves? Who do they think they are? I build up a case against them in my head and heart, only to find myself miserable and anxious. My self-righteous rants lead to nothing but pain and discomfort.
We may all have these people in our lives. We may see them as unbearable, irritating, or even useless. I will be the first to say we've been wrong. We are not justified in our attitudes, even if the person has done something to offend us. As followers of Christ, we cannot continue to look upon people as frustrating nuisances interfering with our lives.
How often does scripture instruct us to love others?
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:37-40
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. t does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
John 13:34
And how often does scripture teach us to think on things that please God?
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19:14
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
We are called to be people who love and people who dwell on truth. Our list of others' errors we hold in our back pocket? We must get rid of it. Instead, we must see the pride or anger or whatever is within us as unhealthy. We must look to the Father and trust him to be the one who changes us. He can work in our attitudes, our impatience with frustrating people, and any other sin that separates us from him. I'm learning that sin certainly blocks us from fullness in Christ, but it also holds us back from developing rich relationships. When we see people as annoyances and obstacles, we have little chance of knowing them well. We think we have them figured out, but we don't. We miss out on their stories and their value as God's loved ones.
Today, I'm learning fresh, painful lessons. I'm seeing myself in all my pride and judgement, and it is ugly. I've been pointing my finger, complaining, and worrying about how to deal with people. I am wrong. I am not loving and I'm not reflecting the Father at all. Instead, I'm seeing these women, the same ones I've grown irritated with, as challengers to my personal life. When I am frustrated by what I perceive as pride in them, they simply serve as mirrors for me. I am prideful, and I only see it in others so profoundly because it is my weakness.
I'm thankful for "that" woman. I'm thankful for her, the one who has so long held a negative place in my thoughts and emotions, because she pushes me to take an honest look at myself. She urges me to ask hard questions and go to God with my hurt or anger. I'm growing in humility and an understanding of my dispensability. I am not better than her, or anyone, and I do not know everything. I am struggling with pride, and I'm admitting that I need to refocus my eyes. I need to stop looking at others and their issues and look to the Father. He will change my heart. He will change my thoughts.
“As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down you cannot see something that is above you.”
-C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity