"Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase."
-Martin Luther King Jr.
"You can't demand authenticity. You have to model it."
-Melanie Hulbert
Today, Bethel's campus heard from a woman named Melanie Hulbert. She is a sociologist, a professor, and an advocate for gender and racial reconciliation. Her message in chapel this morning sparked a number of thoughts and conversations throughout the day. I'm thankful to say this was a full, mentally exhausting, and really good day because of these conversations.
I was surprised when Dr. Hulbert walked on stage. I don't know what I expected, but the small, caucasian woman in the pant suit was not it. She surprised me again as she shared her story and her experience with racial reconciliation. Through her story, she shared about God's desire for all people to be reconciled to equality and representation. I was struck by her statement that racial reconciliation is not an add-on to our faith, but it is the heart and the very focus of the Gospel. For most of my life, I think that's how I've seen issues of race. I've seen it as this trendy social justice idea - a cause to be advocated for and spoken about. Today, my mind has been swirling with new intensity and understanding.
I listened to Dr. Hulbert's message this morning and went to a few meetings. The thoughts of God's desire for reconciliation in his Kingdom were present, but pushed back a bit. Then I walked into a staff and faculty discussion time with Dr. Hulbert. Again, my mind began to spin. We talked about exposing students to diverse resources and minds in the classroom. We discussed ways to open up discussion about racial identity and stereotypes. We even had time to speak honestly about some of our own discomfort and frustration with the topic of race.
Questions flew through my brain.
How can I learn more about others' identities?
Where do I begin with seeing God's heart for reconciliation?
Why have I not understood this better?
How can I be faithful to God and to my brothers and sisters when it comes to racial reconciliation?
How do I engage students of color in authentic conversations?
How do I get students of varying races and backgrounds and identities to be authentic together?
This idea of authenticity kept coming up today. I want to see authenticity in the lives of the girls in Tuckey and others on campus. I want to see them let their guard down and share their stories with each other. I want to see real relationships form. The kind of relationships that are messy and honest and challenging and beautifying. I realize, though, that I can't expect these women to practice authenticity if I'm not modeling it myself.
Our culture talks a lot about authenticity. We talk about being true to yourself and feeling comfortable in your own skin. As important as these ideas are, I think authenticity is so much more about seeing other people than it is about being ourselves. Being authentic, especially in matters of racial reconciliation, means allowing Truth to be our standard. Put down the stereotypes, the insecurities, the fear, and the apathy. Hold fast to Truth. Trust that God's love for all people and desire for his Kingdom come to earth are more important than your fear and discomfort. Authenticity is about valuing another person's story, as well as your own, enough to engage in relationship with them.
I am learning this. I'm learning this today. It's fresh and raw, and it feels kind of messy. I know I don't have it figured out right now, nor will I ever, probably. I'm looking at this huge topic, and it is overwhelming. There is so much hurt and pain attached to issues of race, and I'm afraid I can do little to move forward. I'm taking that step, though. It may be small; it may be slow. But I think it's a good place to be. God is bringing me to a place of new questioning and new understanding. I want to be a person of reconciliation and a person who stands up for Truth. Specifically, I think this means speaking up when something is wrongly said against another person. When racial slurs are spoken or stereotypes are thrown up, I want, I need, to be a voice of Truth. I'm praying that God allows me to learn and discern from him, as well as from my brothers and sisters of color.
So tonight, with the steady stream of thoughts and questions running through my brain, I'm asking God for grace and Truth. Give me grace as I head into somewhat unfamiliar territory, and reveal your Truth along the way. It may be a little step up the staircase, but it's headed somewhere.