"55 years ago today the most wonderful woman was born to Alan and Harriet. From what I've heard, she was a funny, loving, outgoing and talented girl. When she was 20 she married the love of her life, Wyatt, and just two years later they had me then Ben, Jess, and David. For 32 years she has been the most amazing mother any kids could ask for. She has demonstrated Christ's love in ways no one else could and shown me what being a woman of God is all about. I wouldn't have made it through the hardest years of my life without my mom and I am always thankful for every phone call, note, and encouraging word she provides. She once told me that being a mom and raising Godly children did not define her, but that it was the most important thing she could ever do in this life. The way she loves constantly amazes me and I will be forever learning more from her. Today I wanted to take the time to say how much I love Joy Smith and that every day I thank God for the gift of her. Love you, mom!"
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"My first sinking thoughts as I scanned the statuses in my feed: Making friends is horrible when you're an adult. And just to be honest here, add social anxiety and bipolar disorder and the task is nearly impossible. Also, reading statuses about other people being friendly, getting together, supporting each other - that just sucks. These have been Emily's happy thoughts for the day."
Writing about someone you love feels different than writing about the lessons you learn from authors. For one, there's more pressure when you write about a person you know well. They might read this thing. And two, writing about a friend or family member is intimate. It seems to take more energy and consideration. There's a desire to represent them well - to put them in the best and most accurate light. There's also the thought of protecting them and not airing their personal life out for everyone to see. Telling a bit of someone else's story is an honored privilege, but it is also a very sacred thing.
I feel these tensions as I think of writing about my sister, Emily. She is one of the most incredible people on this earth, and I have learned much from watching her throughout my lifetime. Too few people know her. If more people knew her and knew her story, they would be drawn to the grace of Jesus. She oozes sincerity and creativity. She is observant and caring. She offers grace and patience in ways that reflect God's character. There is so much to be learned from her, and I desperately want to highlight what God has done in and through her life.
Emily is my older sister. There are seven years in between us, so as kids, we weren't especially close. She was the wise, responsible sister who got married at 19 and left the house before I was a teenager. I was goofy and awkward and annoying...especially as a 12 year-old maid of honor. It wasn't until I was in high school, living hundreds of miles away, that Emily and I really started to build a relationship. Maybe it was the distance that made us work at it or maybe it was me outgrowing awkwardness, but somehow we developed an amazing friendship. And it's only improved since then.
Still, there was a lot I didn't know about Emily. I knew she'd always kind of struggled with some emotional issues - things I saw as bits of depression or mood swings. Her personality has also been a quieter, more introverted one, so I often didn't think twice about the things I didn't know. Then, during my sophomore year of college, Emily stepped into one of the most pivotal times of her life.
What had long been labeled as depression and anxiety in Emily was finally given a more specific name: bipolar disorder. Her struggle with inward battles and years of unrest came to a serious head that year. She'd been dishonest and secretive; she'd hurt people she cared about. And then, she couldn't go any further. She came out with everything - to our family, to her husband, and to a few others. It was huge for us. Em was so broken and so humble, and I saw this desire in her to be renewed. What an example she was for us!
Her story definitely didn't end there. She went through an awesome, intense program in Florida that she will credit to much of her redemptive journey. The time allowed her to grow in such healthy ways - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. As someone who has known her before and after, I'll just say that the Emily today is truly a testament to God's amazing grace. There has been so much good that came from that broken, honest place she found herself in. And I'm so thankful to have seen a glimpse of this process.
I've learned a lot from my sister. I've learned how to love my husband when I don't feel like it. I've learned how to be a wife that enjoys time with my husband and calls him my best friend. I've seen the way Emily loves her kids, and I'm continuously amazed by the mom that she is. I've learned to do what you love, even when it's difficult. There are two main lessons I've learned from Em, though. You can see bits of her influence in the above Facebook statuses. Though these quick social media thoughts may not be the best representation of someone, these words from Emily show just a small picture of the woman she is.
First, she is beautifully encouraging. You can see this in the words she carefully chooses for a little tribute to our mother (also an amazing women - more to come about her at another time). She sees people and notices their value. She remembers the ways others have loved her and she is truly grateful. And she doesn't just say it on Facebook or in nice cards. She lives this way! With her incredible creativity and skills, she'll hear you mention something you love and the next gift-giving opportunity it'll show up in your hands in some beautiful, tangible way. Last year it was an Anne Lamott quote embroidered on fabric for me. Or a gorgeous handmade toiletry bag to hold my bearded husband's new grooming products this year! She is a listener, an observer - a caring, loving giver.
Second, Emily is refreshingly vulnerable. Since that pivotal time back in 2008, she has been so open about her struggles. She will tell you herself that she is not cured and that some days are really terrible. Even though God has done, and continues to do, amazing things in her, she faces the reality of her bipolar disorder every day. And she does it with such grace and authenticity. Even tonight as I asked her how she felt about me sharing this part of her story, she said this: "I'm an open book - love people hearing about it if it can help someone." That's who she is.
This past week, Emily got one of the most fitting tattoos across her collar bone. In gorgeous, stitch-like lettering are the words "Let my life be for Your glory, woven in Your threads of grace." As her younger sister and friend, I am often looking up to this woman. She lives this life of glory and grace, allowing God to daily shape the woman he's created her to be. She reflects the Father in her creativity, her relational heart, and her vulnerability. I continue to learn so much from my sister, and I'm sitting in gratitude tonight as I consider the gift she is to all who know her.