Shortly after waking up this morning, I learned that Brennan Manning had died. The knowledge of his passing set in as a strangely heavy sadness. I never knew this man, but I have a great amount of gratitude for the words he delivered. And today, I'm aware, more than ever, of the journey God allowed me to take through Manning's writings.
Four years ago, I sat in a conference room at KBM's office in Aurora, Colorado. This prophetic, strong, teddy bear of a man sat at the table across from me and spoke words of challenge. Foster told me I needed to understand God's grace, and I needed to know it well. He encouraged me to read Manning's The Ragamuffin Gospel and once that was done, Ruthless Trust. As the summer continued, I somehow got my hands on a copy of Ragamuffin and I devoured the thing. We flew to the Dominican Republic, and I was reading. We headed to bed at night, and I was reading. God guided me to a renewed knowledge of his grace through his Spirit and his servant.
After that summer, I was able to embrace a very different image of God. The truth of God's grace changed me. I headed into another school year with a deep desire to better know God, and with that desire came a need for trust. Shortly after finishing the first book, I opened up Ruthless Trust. If I thought a book about grace challenged my socks off, I was about to get another dose of God's character in my face. Through Manning's words, the idea of trusting God without reassurances became so powerful to me. I saw the God of grace and truth as someone so much more present and faithful than I'd ever understood. Trusting him became more about connecting with him than escaping circumstances.
During the days of Ruthless Trust, I carried the book on me at all times. One day, in my Communication Theory class, I read from the book for a short devotional. My professor, Dr. Scott Johnson, was fighting terminal cancer at the time and the words of Manning struck him that day. After class, Dr. Scott asked to borrow the book for a short time. He read it quickly and returned it to me two days later with a shared gratitude for the significance of what was written on those pages. About a year and a half later, I read from that same book at Dr. Scott's memorial service.
Scott Johnson and Brennan Manning shared a deep knowledge and presence of God's grace. In his greatest days of suffering, Dr. Scott lived and breathed by the words that are now tattooed on my arm: Inhale grace; exhale gratitude. Not only do I remember the grace reflected in the lives of these men, but I remember the way God has brought me to himself through grace and gratitude. I am nothing without grace, and I am nothing if I do not offer my thanks to God in all circumstances.
In 2002, Christianity Today conducted a short interview with Manning about his book Ruthless Trust. As I reread through his thoughts on trust, I was reminded of the central idea behind trust:
The splendor of a human heart that trusts and is loved unconditionally
gives God more pleasure than Westminster Cathedral, the Sistine Chapel,
Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, Van Gogh's Sunflowers, the
sight of 10,000 butterflies in flight, or the scent of a million
orchids in bloom. Trust is our gift back to God, and he finds it so
enchanting that Jesus died for love of it.
And as I kept reading:
The dominant characteristic of an authentic spiritual life is the
gratitude that flows from trust—not only for all the gifts that I
receive from God, but gratitude for all the suffering. Because in that
purifying experience, suffering has often been the shortest path to
intimacy with God.
After reading and remembering, I feel full tonight. I'm full of gratitude for a God who draws me into intimacy with him. I'm full of joy at the thought that this ragamuffin is meeting Jesus now. How imperfect and flawed and loved a man was Brennan Manning. His knowledge of grace and humility oozes from every page you read. I'm excited to read more about his relationship with Jesus and the truth he experienced. More than anything, though, I'm thankful for God's grace that allows me to trust him more each day.