The days have been going by very quickly. Too quickly. By Wednesday, I find myself forgetting what the beginning of the week looked like. It's only Monday, but I'm already needing to slow down.
The past couple of weeks have seemed to pass by in a strange fog. For a while now, I've felt like I wake up, go through the daily routine, come home, sleep and head into the next morning for a repeat of the same thing. Days are melting into days. I need to slow down.
In this fast-paced world, I find it difficult to slow myself down and not feel guilty. There's so much to be done! I could be preparing for school, spending valuable time with a friend, working on creative projects, planning a weekly dinner menu, assessing my future, cleaning. I realize this is a list of good things-none of them are terribly damaging or distracting in themselves. Most of them are even great things. Still, it's easy for my days to become about the things I do, rather than who I am or who I serve.
This is, of course, a classic crisis of the human struggle. We want to be content with who we are, yet we somehow fall into this pattern of "doing" to feel fulfilled. I'm completely guilty of falling into this trap. Days can feel wasted or purposeless if something hasn't been accomplished. And this, this is why I need to slow down tonight.
It's funny how God sometimes kindly forces us to pause. Today, I spent the entire school day fighting a stubborn migraine. I came home immediately after work only to flop onto the bed and sleep for the next two hours. When I awoke at the very dark hour of 6 o'clock, I felt strangely refreshed. I'd slept through most of the evening and was thankful to realize I had the next couple hours to spend however I wished. So, I'm pausing. I'm reflecting and enjoying and resting.
As I settle down tonight, I'm reminded of my favorite section of scripture. I've read and reread Lamentations 3, but tonight the Message brings this in a fresh way.
Lamentations 3: 28-30
When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions. Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst.
Life is not necessarily filled with heavy obstacles and life changes right now, but I do know it is hard to take sometimes. It's hard to look past daily challenges or disappointments and see God's constant hope. I'm thankful for the times to go off by myself each day and be with him. Even when life is busy, hectic, swirling around and confusing, I'm confident that time with God, that slowing down that is so important, is all that will provide hope.
God is renewing in me an overwhelming awe for his character and his presence. I need to slow down or I'll miss out on being with him and knowing him. I've been listening to the new All Sons and Daughters EP on repeat lately. The lyrics of the title song, The Longing, are especially valuable to me right now.
These things unseen won't cripple me
I place my hope in You
This deep desire
The longing of
I'm falling into You
Love is and always was
The longing place inside my heart
To know you
And by known by You
This place
This time
Won't satisfy
My soul was made for You
My eyes behold what's beautiful
And I belong to You
Love is and always was
The longing place inside my heart
To know you
And by known by You
How I long
How I long
How I long for You