Today is the first day of fall break. With three weeks off, I've given myself a project. I wrote down 15 writing topics or ideas, and I'm randomly picking one each day to work on. Tonight, I started this project. So here's to Day 1.
Assignment: Redefine something.
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Redefining “The Homemaker”
I am not a great domestic.
Before I got married a little over a year
ago, I was not one of those females who dreamed of making a home with my
husband. I was excited to be married, of course, but I didn’t ever swoon over
life as a homemaker. I’m not a great cook. I don’t sew. I only clean when I’m
stressed (which is usually the cause of the initial mess, so it’s just an
annoying cycle).
The other night, I was angry. Angry at
myself, angry at my situation, angry at how my life had turned out. It was all
very dramatic and inaccurate, but nonetheless, it was significant. In my
attempt to face these angry feelings and not run from them, I tackled the
project of an incredibly disorganized bedroom. I finished this task, and I felt
accomplished. Not only had I cleaned up, I’d pushed through some of the
emotional mess inside me.
Silly as it may seem, this angry cleaning
spree spurred on a serious thought process. I’m disappointed with life a lot of
the time because I constantly feel like I miss the mark. I should be so much
better at, well, everything. I’m no good at thinking rationally after a hard
week (the emotional bedroom sweep as testament to that). I stink at making
others feel valued and loved, especially my husband. And to top it all off, I
am no homemaker.
Or so I think. I’m aware my insecurities and
unreasonable expectations are not super healthy. God’s working on me there.
Still, I find myself questioning how to live in the skin of my true self. How
do I live a balanced, joyful life without catering towards ridiculous standards
that I, or others, set up for me? This…this is an interesting question.
Though I may not be the traditional, Norman
Rockwell housewife, I can still enjoy making myself at “home”. This idea of a
homemaker gets a bad reputation sometimes. My husband and I have already broken
a few gender role stereotypes. Why not turn this whole thing on its head? We
can all be homemakers – people who invite others into community and allow them
to feel welcome.
I don’t know about you, but I’d rather
welcome people into a genuine home rather than a fabricated idea of what “home”
should be. If I never darn my husband’s socks (whatever that means) or create
storybook dinners for my family, I think I’ll be okay. I want to redefine what
it means for my husband and I to make home feel like home. I want to be at home
with myself.
So, here is my commitment. I will not freak
out if my grocery list is not perfect. If my dinners are simple and bought from
Wal-Mart, I will be content. I will clean when necessary and in order to open
our home to others – not to impress or live up to my weird standards. I will
continue to personalize our walls and rooms. I will invite people into our
space and enjoy their company. I will settle down in my home. I will rest here.
The idea of home has long been written about
and pondered. Songs are written about it and classic stories are themed around
the journey towards it. Home is certainly a significant concept. It is my hope
that the idea of “homemaker” would be personalized – in my life and in others’.